Click here to listen to today’s Daily Power Prayer for Freedom to Love:
I used to try to manage, manipulate and control every part of my life. So often I invested my precious energy in keeping score. I was always concerned with whether or not I was giving too little or too much. Often I would over-give so that I could feel superior and feed the ego. I would refuse to receive so that I could manipulate others – more ego feeding. It was so labor-intensive. That behavior that fed the ego, that score-keeping mind-set literally sucked the life out of my life. I NEVER felt free. I was always creating limitations and then enforcing them. Phew! It was exhausting and it wasn’t any fun at all. I let fear based thinking driving my life for SO long. I’m glad that’s over!
And that’s why I feel so grateful every day now. I learned that everything I receive comes from the one and only source – Divine Love. All that I give I give to God. So, I’m always in balance now. I don’t believe in withholding anymore. I love to give and I never concern myself with over-giving because I no longer give as a way of provoking someone to give back to me. I share. I share because I am in the flow and because God gives me so much I can share joyfully.
That’s why it was so much fun, even though it was a lot of work, to put on the Living A Course in Miracles Class. I got to share from the overflow of wisdom that is fully available all of the time.
I finally have a strong sense of what freedom means. At 6:25 this morning, just as I was walking out the door to go to my morning exercise class, I spilled a cup of tea all over my desk and it poured onto the carpet. I had just had the carpet steam cleaned about 10 days ago. I had to laugh as I went to get a towel to clean up the mess. I literally smiled and laughed. I had to clean up the mess (which made me 20 minutes late to class) and it might stain the carpet, and, of course, my tea was now a thing of the past as well – and yet, I wasn’t bothered. I was smiling and laughing.
Years ago, I would have been upset. I would have been angry that I’d made a mistake. Fearful that I’d ruined the carpet, pissed off that I was missing part of my class. I might easily have completely ruined my own day without thinking twice. I would have told my tale of woe to everyone I met all day, inviting them to commiserate with me that “life is hard and then you die.” I would have reinforced the problem all day until I finally succumbed to some form of self-medication to dull the pain I created for myself. Of course, the self-medication would actually intensify my suffering, but I wouldn’t have to deal with that until later. UGH!
I think that these things happen to me sometimes just so I can be SOOOOOOOO grateful that I’ve changed my mind and my freedom is permanent. It’s not circumstantial. I AM aligned with Love and I know it. I shall not be moved – for real! This is evidence of true and lasting healing and I am so grateful to be grateful today! I have the freedom to LOVE right now, no matter what and I know it! Ka-ching, baby!!!
THAT FREEDOM is the result of my spiritual practice. I didn’t get that from listening to someone else talk. I didn’t get it from a book. I didn’t get it from a retreat or a seminar or attending services at Agape. It came from my willingness to do my own healing. I thank GOD for the miraculous healing that is always available as soon as I am willing to allow it! Bring it!
I AM free to love and I know it!