I was thorny

May 11, 2022

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Yes, I was thorny.  Like a rose bush without a rose.  I would prick you and make you bleed if you got too close.

I’m a fan of the parables of Jesus. They’re beautiful teaching tools and have held up over the last two thousand years.

As spring is coming on strong in Vermont and the daffodils are FINALLY coming up, I’m preparing to plant in the garden and my thoughts have turned to seeds and soil, which reminds me of the parable of the sower.

It’s a story of a planter, and that’s Jesus. The seed is the truth, the word of God, and the soil is the people’s consciousness. Jesus tells us about four kinds of soil representing four mindsets of people.

The first field is one that’s hard, where the seed just lies on top of the soil and is easily eaten by birds or blown away. It’s a reference to a person whose heart and mind are hardened, lacking in compassion, needing to be right, closed and shut down.

To this person Spirit can find no purchase, cannot sprout and take root. The person’s mind cannot be penetrated. So, the inspiration, the seeds, no matter how beautiful and strong, will just blow away and be lost on them.

That was me. I was so focused on having been wounded and hurt that I closed my heart and shook my first at the world. I had no willingness to extend compassion. I couldn’t see past my own anger and fear.

The second field is filled with rocks. In between the rocks the seeds can manage to find enough soil to sprout, but since there’s only a surface soil and too many stones, the plants cannot put down deep roots. The sprouting plants quickly wither and die in the heat of the sun.

This person is the one that has a surface interest and mental attraction to the truth, but it doesn’t go deep enough in the heart for the spiritual seeds to take root and flourish because there’s no deep interest, no commitment.

Many spiritual students fall in this category. They read a book, hear a talk, or attend a retreat and are moved, inspired and interested, but without any true yearning to KNOW the truth, the original inspiration quickly fades and even the memory is forgotten.

I’ve been there. I thought I had willingness, but my willingness was so thin it blew away with the slightest breeze.

The third field is filled with thorny growth. The seeds are able to sprout there, but the roots of the new plants cannot compete with the established roots of the thorny plants.

This person is the one who has a genuine attraction to spiritual teachings. Unfortunately, they’re so mentally and emotionally attached to the thorny false beliefs, and so identified with believing they’re a bad person, unworthy and unforgivable, that the attraction for Spirit cannot overcome the deep roots of the false beliefs.

This was me too, further along the path. I was doing the spiritual work to try to relieve my pain, but I wasn’t really seeking truth, I was seeking pain-relief. My unhealed heart was filled with thorns and I got triggered so easily that I’d forget what I was here for in the blink of an eye.

The fourth field has fertile soil that’s been prepared to receive the inspiration. The sower’s seeds can easily take root, flourish and grow.

This person is the one who is truly willing. This is the one who’s making themselves empty of attachments, grievances, grudges, wanting, needing and craving in order to be able to be inspired.

This is what we’re doing together, practicing forgiveness and compassion, gratitude and Love.

Clearing away the emotional clutter is turning our heart from a hardened place with armor around it by removing the stones and rocks that are our unforgiveness, our old wounds and scars.

Taking out the mental trash is removing the thorny beliefs that are the attachments and triggers that keep painfully pricking us and preventing new growth.

We have a spiritual responsibility to prepare the soil of our consciousness, our heart, our awareness in order to be fertile ground for planting divine seeds.

We don’t have to perform backbreaking labor to get the stones and thorns out – we really don’t – but we do have to be more interested in being free of the past than in revisiting it.

We have to be more interested in being available for Spirit to work through us than in regret and revenge.

I like to use the metaphor of a garage that we’ve been using for storage for decades. We long ago lost track of what’s in there. We just keep shoving more things in. The things we don’t have a capacity to deal with we stuff in the garage.

Yet, it’s left us with spiritual soil that’s littered, cluttered, and essentially unusable.

We don’t have to figure out how to clear out that garage of old trash, but we do have to be willing to give it to Spirit and let Spirit lift it off of us.

For me, it was hard to believe that I could get free, I believed it worked for other people, but not for me, because I was so darn bad, unworthy, and unlovable. 

Succumbing to the belief that it’s too hard is painful, and keeps us living a limited life, playing small, managing and coping. And that’s extremely painful.

Under the weight of all that stored up toxic waste of false beliefs and unhealed hurt, we become deformed, twisted, and even, in a sense, demented.

Our mind becomes misshapen and thorny.  (That was me.)

Our heart becomes hard and stony.  (Me, again!)

And that’s when we’re so ripe for a miracle.

The miracle IS our willingness.

And that’s ALL that’s required.

If you knew, I mean really KNEW, that 6 months from now, with some genuine willingness to let the past go, to truly forgive, you would have a completely different outlook and be living an inspired life, would you choose it?

Would you trust Spirit to show you the way and say yes to that new experience of life?

If you feel like you might be playing small and hiding your light under a bushel because of your beliefs about yourself, if you think maybe those beliefs are false and could be eliminated, and if you have a willingness to do some inner work to make a real and lasting change then please consider joining me and some other folks just like you who are SO DONE WITH PLAYING SMALL and ready to let those patterns go.

My Stop Playing Small ONLINE Retreat is for folks who are frustrated with feeling stuck and fearful.  It’s not about playing big, it’s about no longer making excuses, hiding and playing small.  It’s designed for those who’d like to bring on a breakthrough so they can move forward with confidence toward their heart’s desire in any area of their life.  Click here for details.  If you aren’t sure if it’s right for you right now, book an Exploratory Call with one of the spiritual counselors.  The call is free and you’ll find benefit in addition to getting all your questions answered.  

Thank you for being on this journey with me.  It’s a wild ride.  I wouldn’t wish to miss it and I wouldn’t wish to do it without YOU!

TAKE ACTION!  If you’re interested in either the Stop Playing Small Retreat or Finding Freedom From Fear Spiritual Bootcamp, but aren’t sure if it’s right for you right now, book an Exploratory Call with one of our spiritual counselors.  The call is free and you’ll find benefit in addition to getting all your questions answered.  Click here now to book an Exploratory Call with a Spiritual Counselor.  

Finding Freedom From Fear Bootcamp is 1 month away!  Let’s rock this summer with our spiritual practice that brings benefit and healing for all.  Now is the time for us to dive deep and eliminate the patterns of fear in our life.  How would you like a $500 discount?

Sign up for my Stop Playing Small online retreat NOW and you’ll get $500 off of my Finding Freedom From Fear Bootcamp in June!


ACIM, daily prayer, Inspiration, Jennifer Hadley, Living A Course in Miracles, love, miracles, Peace, prayer, Spirituality

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