I lower myself into the saltwater bath. I’m not a person who takes a lot of baths, but when I do, I like to listen to something. I press play on my iPhone to continue the replay of the “Stop Playing Small” class that I’d missed the day before. Ten seconds later, the sound cuts out. My hands are wet. So, I let it be and lie in silence, feeling a little resistance because now I will have to be alone with my thoughts. Yes, I’ll be honest, I still sometimes use spiritual recordings to escape from my thoughts! But Spirit knew what would be more helpful than any replay…
The idea comes into my mind: “I am willing to value myself”. Whaaaatttt?! A bigger spike of resistance. “No way”, says ego. And I ask Spirit to show me why I feel resistant to valuing myself. And I guess, because I asked and I was listening, I was able to receive the answer. Ten minutes of insight that blew me away. I saw, felt, sensed how I’d had power somehow in a previous incarnation, and I misused it. I’d had a voice and a status in society, and I used it to hurt people, or at least not to help them. And I still felt guilty about that, and I was holding onto all sorts of judgements about power and wealth and ambition and speaking out. I was afraid that deep down, I was a person who could not be trusted to use the gifts and talents I’d been given for good.
Having worked with Jennifer for a few years already, I knew I could release the meaning I had made about myself, that I was “bad” and unloving. My Higher Holy Spirit Self reassured me that I could learn from this experience and forgive myself. It was powerfully emotional, and at the end of it, I felt able to repeat what I’d started with – “I am willing to value myself” – YES! I value my connection to Spirit. I value my loving heart. I value my willingness to choose again. I value the power of my decision and intention within the One Mind.
Here’s what else I got from Spirit during that bath: “There’s no need to judge wealth, or status, or worldly power, because they’re nothing. They have no value. They’re illusions”. Whether I seem to have them in this world or not really doesn’t matter. Judging them is just a way of inversely giving them value. And I don’t have to hold myself back as long as I learn to trust myself, trusting that I am Love and I learn from everything I do, including the mistakes I make along the way.
That is just ONE of the numerous insights I had during the online Stop Playing Small retreat. There were so many! I’m grateful that I followed my guidance to sign up for the retreat. I’m grateful for all the participants that shared the experience as a strong and supportive group. And I am so grateful to be asked to write this article, because I got to go back to my notebook and realize how many mind-changing, life-changing realizations I received. How much I let go of and forgave myself for. I feel more free, more relaxed and more confident than before the retreat. I think about going for a job interview and I don’t feel sick to my stomach any more.
I didn’t think I was playing that small when I signed up for the retreat. But I definitely wasn’t giving myself full permission to flourish, to blossom, to live every moment of every day in the flow of joy, peace and love. That’s what I’m going for now. That’s what I choose for myself and for everyone. And I know we are infinitely worth it.
To learn more about our upcoming September Stop Playing Small Online Retreat, click here: https://jenniferhadley.com/sps.
Claire McGonigle is a participant in the Masterful Living Ascension Pathway class and resides in Switzerland.