As I’m preparing for my Stop Playing Small ONLINE retreat at the end of the month, I’m remembering ways that I used to play small.  One of the most effective ways was blaming others for feeling upset.

“I do not call for martyrs but for teachers. No one is punished for sins, and the Sons of God are not sinners. Any concept of punishment involves the projection of blame, and reinforces the idea that blame is justified. The result is a lesson in blame, for all behavior teaches the beliefs that motivate it.”  ~ A Course in Miracles, T-6.I.16.

EVERYONE but me was to blame for my upset most of my life, that is until I realized that I didn’t like feeling like a victim and I have a choice.

A Course in Miracles tells us that the way out of that blame game that leaves us feeling SO TOXIC is to take responsibility for what we see and what we feel.

I resisted that so much, for so long.

If only someone could have taught me that telling myself I was a victim was worse than anything that happened to me!  WOW!

It’s amazing how much FREEDOM we can have in a short period of time if we’re actually willing to LIVE and apply the teachings of ACIM.

I’ve had many people in my life tell me they blamed others for how they felt and when I gently, sweetly, pointed out that they are the ones who made the decisions that led to their “victimhood” they didn’t want to look at it.

Truly, like myself in the past, they’d rather dedicate part of their life to feeling miserable as a victim than simply be willing to look at it a different way.

Sigh.  I get it.  I truly do.

AND Freedom feels SO much better than being right about how wrongly treated I was.  

Things like this are hard to believe.  I get it.

I’ve had people tell me they just believe differently than I do.

They’re completely convinced that other people are the reason they’re upset.

They would rather be able to blame others than to feel free.  I get it.

And when that’s the case, when the appearance is that they prefer to see themselves as the powerless victim, and someone else is making them feel things, then it’s my job to hold space for them.  To know the truth for them.  To see the perfection in their path of learning and NOT to have any other thought about it.

Being truly helpful means being non-judgmental when people take a painful path of learning.  Our job is to know that they have the power to go the other way and that they’ll soon choose that and stop learning through pain.

Playing small is learning through painful experiences that keep repeating.  I did that for so long.  It’s a joy to be free of that pattern!

We can learn through direct insight instead of painful experience.  Everyone can.

That’s how I choose to learn now.  It’s easier, faster and it’s reassuring.  I love it and that’s what I love to share.  That’s why I always have something to write about in this daily shot of Spiritual Espresso!

If you feel like you might be playing small, holding yourself back, toughing it out, ignoring your needs or letting other people treat you poorly because of your beliefs about yourself – if you think maybe those beliefs are false and could be eliminated, and if you have a willingness to do some inner work to make a real and lasting change then please consider joining me and some other folks just like you who are SO DONE WITH PLAYING SMALL and ready to let those patterns go.