One of the things that I see all spiritual students are familiar with is the relationship sinkhole that is manipulation by withholding Love.
I used to do this all the time – when I got mad at people I’d go cold on them. I’d withdraw. I’d hold back.
There was no question that my withdrawing from the folks I was upset with was done in order to punish them.
I had no skills to choose something else. Having learned those skills, I LOVE to share about how we can do things differently. This is why in my year-long Masterful Living program we invest so much of our time on improving our relationships.
When we’re withholding Love, attention, affection, approval, kindness from our loved ones we feel even worse. It seems like we’re punishing the other one, but we’re the one that suffers the most. Whenever we close our heart to someone we’re blocking the flow of Love and it starts a domino effect of suffering.
Why didn’t I have skills to respond differently?
Well, we could say I wasn’ttaught. Maybe, I really can’t remember. What I do know is that the cold shoulder reaction is the response from my insecurity. It comes from my feeling hurt, and afraid and angry.
I can recall that many, many times my intuition would be strong – pulling me to make more loving choices, but I’d refuse. I’d go for the punishment, because I felt hurt.
I’d feel hurt because I’d interpret whatever was going on as something that was the result of my not being good enough, or lovable. It was because I felt that something was wrong with me and these other people knew it and were throwing it in my face.
That was my perception – not the reality. I was wounding myself.
Then, out of that hurt from the sense of being “not good enough,” I’d feel afraid, and I didn’t even know it or understand it because all I could feel was the anger that was on the surface.
Those patterns of thinking and behavior were so painful for me. I’d feel like I was spiraling down and couldn’t stop it.
Then, from that place of feeling so worthless I’d move into the self-sabotage of self-medication and feel even worse.
But, from where I am now, I am grateful for all of it. Yes, I’m truly grateful. I understand it now. I have compassion now. I have choices now. I don’t get triggered like that at all anymore. And I know that’s because of the spiritual work I’ve done to heal that sense of unworthiness.
Because I understand these pain patterns that wreck relationships I can help others move out of the suffering quickly. Even if they’ve been stewing in them for decades. And that, my friend, is worth everything I’ve gone through to know what I know.
Love is the healer.
When we’re loving with ourselves and others, when we’re in the flow of Love, and not withholding, then we’re healing our hearts and remembering our true identity.
It’s also why I offer my End My Self-Sabotage Challenge that starts later this month. If you’re a secret smoker, if you isolate and self-medicate with food or alcohol. If you have any way that you’re aware that you keep sabotaging yourself, please consider joining in this beautiful program with a group of like-minded souls who are remembering to laugh and truly healing these pain patterns. Together, we can get it done!
TODAY, SATURDAY – Are you an ACIM student? We’ve got two classes coming up with kironJ Gardner if you’d like to go deep with ACIM. One is for people who are counselors, coaches, therapists, teachers and who’d like to have miracles with their clients – the other is for those who’d like to understand what “the script is already written” means in a practical application. Registration is open – click here now!
LATEST PODCAST EPISODE: The latest episode of my podcast’s topic is Activating Unity Awareness We can fast track ourselves to remembering the truth that is the key to our awakened mind. Everything in ACIM leads us to this awakening and we can step up the process by focusing on certain teachings.
