Being able to take responsibility for our feelings is the way out of most people’s experiences of relationship misery. It’s amazing how much gratitude we can have when realize we’ve been doing it to ourselves and we can stop!
The old way is to blame others for how we feel – they “made” us feel upset. In that scenario we’re always a victim and spiritual growth is not happening.
Many people feel guilty for a variety of reasons, and that guilt is like a wet, stinky blanket on their life and on their energy field.
Let’s get rid of it!
Guilt is not really my thing. When I was a kid, my grandmother would often try to make me feel guilty in order to manipulate me, and I learned to throw that off. I developed a Teflon coating for guilt. It still comes up from time to time, and I’ve learned a lot about how to let guilt go.
The number one way to release the guilt is to not put guilt on anyone else.
It’s like I say all the time:
the judger always feels judged
the attacker always feels attacked
the lover always feels beloved
Let’s add: the guilt-er always feels guilty (and secretly ashamed)
Which would you like to feel — Guilty or Beloved? You’re in charge of your choices, so why choose to feel guilty and ashamed when you could feel Beloved?
You may be trying to make people feel guilty and, perhaps, not even be aware of it. When you’re upset, if you feel in ANY WAY that it’s someone else’s fault, and you tell them you’re upset – you’re probably, perhaps unconsciously, trying to blame them and make them feel guilty and ashamed. This will only cause you to feel guilty and ashamed – perhaps unconsciously. Next thing you know, you’re depressed and self-medicating. Yuck – the wet, stinky blanket of despair has landed, self-inflicted. Ugh.
If you believe that you have the power to make other people happy, to fix their lives, to rescue them or heal them, and you withhold Love from them, you probably feel guilty because you might also be punishing them, consciously or unconsciously.
If you feel upset, and you feel it will help you to tell other people about it, make sure you don’t feel they’re responsible. If you believe they’re responsible for your feelings, then take ownership of it like this:
“I’m feeling upset and I know it’s not you’re fault. It’s my crazy thinking. I’d like to talk it through with you, so that I can take total responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and heal this crazy thinking. Are you willing to help me talk it through?”
However, if you have a secret desire to blame them and shame them for “making you” feel upset, then don’t go talk with them – unless they’re really skilled at being able to recognize you’re exposing your crazy secret desire to blame and shame. Responsibility is the way out. Taking TOTAL ownership of our feelings is the only way to have a truly healing and productive conversation.
Remember, the ego thought system loves to pick a fight, to blame and to shame and that will only leave you feeling guilty and ashamed. There’s just no benefit to trying to make others responsible for your upset. Heal that habit, and your life will become more loving, more prosperous and more harmonious! Woo-hoo!
Forgiveness is the cure for self-doubt. There is no other way. No confidence in ourselves for all our gifts and talents, for our success in the world will cure the self-doubt – only releasing the causes of self-doubt will eliminate it. We can only do this through true forgiveness. And then we can be truly helpful to others too. I’ve got a FREE Forgiveness Workshop this Saturday, July 12 – please come and tell a friend or ten. Click here now to learn more.
This month my Deep Dive Workshop is Unblock the flow of Time, Energy & Money If you have issues that trigger you emotionally, causing worry, fear or doubt, this workshop is for you. We can break that habit of fear and worry, doubt and damage. Let’s do it together! I used to STRESS SO MUCH about not having enough of all kinds of things and being free of all that worry is such a game changer – now I invest my energy in things that are actually worthwhile – like FREE Forgiveness Workshops!
LATEST ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: my topic is Good VS Bad: How Do You Know Which Is Which?. In this episode, I unpack how “good” and “bad” are illusions maintained by judgment—something A Course in Miraclestells us we are incapable of making because we cannot see through all directions of time and space. I share personal stories, insights from the Manual for Teachers, and practical wisdom for living more peacefully by surrendering the ego’s constant labeling and instead choosing neutrality, trust, and humility. When we stop judging, we stop suffering—and we open ourselves to healing, joy, and true spiritual freedom.
