Forgiving when we’ve been betrayed. Oh my gosh, this was such a difficult thing for me.  Life felt like it was FULL of betrayals.

I was a dedicated grudge holder, hanging on to my grievances with a constant sense of taking offense. I saw betrayal everywhere – by close friends, by spiritual leaders, by a sweetheart, by the medical community. I kept carrying all of it around in the form of resentment and regret and pain and hurt that got re-wounded again and again.

I couldn’t let any of it go. How COULD I let it go?

I felt I had to hold onto it to keep it from happening again.  It was exactly that piling on of betrayals that became the wind beneath my wings. It became the impetus for me to say, enough is enough. Now is the time of my liberation.

Here’s what made a difference for me: the realization that in a very real sense, all betrayal is self-betrayal.

The self-betrayal works like this: I betrayed myself by edging God out of my mind and aligning with the ego thought system, making all these painful decisions about who’s good and who’s bad and who’s right and who’s wrong. I willingly gave up my sense of connectedness for a sense of separation.

That was the original betrayal.

Then I would experience people in the world who seemingly were betraying me, and I could project all that anger and hurt out at them. Because I made those experiences real, every new betrayal would trigger the entire chain – reinforcing my belief that I couldn’t trust people, couldn’t trust God, couldn’t trust life, couldn’t trust Love.

A Course in Miracles Chapter 18, Section 9 speaks directly to this pattern: “All the insane attacks, the fury, the vengeance and betrayal were made to keep the guilt in place.” 

Betrayal keeps the guilt alive. We want the person who betrayed us to feel guilty and ashamed because they’re so bad and so wrong.

We can’t project that belief onto the ones we think betrayed us without also feeling that we deserve guilt and shame ourselves.

In Chapter 6, Jesus tells us about the crucifixion: “As the world judges these things, but not as God knows them, I was betrayed, abandoned, beaten, torn, and finally killed.” 

Yet he also tells us we don’t need to have the same experiences he had. We’re still equal as learners. The Holy Spirit is glad when we can learn from his experiences and be reawakened by them. That’s their only purpose.

What do we do with all of this?

We must forgive ourselves for having even believed that betrayal was possible.

We give it all to the Holy Spirit.

I love to imagine rolling it all up into a perfect golden ball – pulling the old pain right out of the heart – and handing it over. “Holy Spirit, I give this to you. I’m done with it. I don’t need these beliefs, these memories, any of this anymore.”

I’m only interested in harvesting the learning and sharing the benefits with everyone.

The most expeditious, fastest way to begin healing is the willingness to accept there is no betrayal.

It’s a perception. When we start choosing forgiveness, compassion, patience, and kindness as our go-to responses instead of judging, complaining, and attacking, we open up entirely different avenues of learning.

The painful ones close down. They’re no longer necessary.

In my Masterful Living Program, we do this transformative work together all year long – gaining momentum, staying on track, and harvesting the wisdom from every experience.

My Letting Go of A Person Deep Dive Workshop on March 21 is a sacred, focused space to release the one who “betrayed” us and find the freedom that’s been waiting on the other side.

Our willingness is all that’s required.
No other requirement.
Just willingness – and our beautiful friend, the Higher Holy Spirit Self.

Let’s lay the burden down. We can do this!