This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on Having Better Relationships
Part 1: How to Stop Attracting Negative Relationships
Part 2: Are You Giving to Get?
Part 3: (You Are Here) Take 100% Responsibility
If you’re wanting to have happy, loving and harmonious relationships, but you’re not actually experiencing them then you might be surprised to realize that you’re the one getting in your own way.
Here’s what I’m choosing in my relationships:
Love
Compassion
Kindness
Patience
Generosity
Playfulness
If that’s what you’d like, but you’re not experiencing it, the reason may be that your thoughts and actions are not in alignment.
Do you complain about your relationships?
Complaints are really judgments, which are really attack thoughts.
In what world will attacking your loved ones bring more loving relationships? No world that I know of, and certainly not this one.
Remember: like attracts like.
If you’re broadcasting attack thoughts, complaints and judgments either verbally, visually, in action or even in thought, it WILL be felt everywhere in the universe. Why? Because there’s one mind. Where else can your choices be sent except into the ONE mind? ACIM tells us “there are no private thoughts.”
On some level:
Everyone hears everything.
Everyone feels everything.
Everyone knows everything.
There are NO private thoughts.
There’s also no big or small in God.
An attack thought is an attack thought.
When you complain, judge and attack, you’re not at all interested in Love. Right?
Since like attracts like, your unloving thoughts, choices, and actions are broadcasting to the world your preferences, beliefs and interests. Someone who is TRULY interested in Love would only perceive your unloving choices as a cry for Love. The truly loving person would have compassion for you, but not attraction.
Get it?
Since we’re all one, I’m 100% responsible for my relationships. So are you. Accepting that can seem intolerable to the ego. And yet, accepting 100% responsibility is the teaching of ACIM and in the APPLICATION of that teaching I have been able to experience so much Freedom.
To the ego, it seems that taking responsibility will lead to suffering. That’s a trick. It keeps us in the blame and shame loop and you have suffered enough. Some therapists will tell you that you are only 50% of the problem and you can’t change anyone else. However, they don’t understand that there’s only one problem.
That problem is that we have a belief in separation and it shows up as every difficulty we have.
Taking 100% responsibility for believing in separation, is taking 100% responsibility for how that belief shows up on the screen of your life.
Time and time again, I’ve seen others proved what I proved – taking 100% responsibility for everything that occurs in your life is the way out of pain and the way into Peace. When one person shifts, the entire relationship shifts. Miracles happen in the mind and then the shifts and changes show up in form. Change your mind and your whole life really does change.
It’s not enough to just change what you say and do. Behavior modification will only bring you surface change. Go to the root – change your beliefs. My aspiration is that when you keep reading you’ll be INSPIRED to begin APPLYING what I’m sharing here. It’s the practical application that has helped so many people bring miraculous relationship shifts!
Complaining, judging, and criticizing people is controlling and manipulative. Trying to manipulate someone into behaving differently isn’t loving. Not at all. If your method of relating to people is controlling and manipulative, then you must not really be interested in a loving relationship. And if you’re quick to attack others for what’s happening, my Simple Fight Fixer can help you start to change that.
People who are TRULY interested in loving relationships are consistently loving, compassionate, kind, patient, and generous. Consistently. Love is their focus.
By their fruits shall ye know them.
How’s your fruit? Is it bitter? Resentful? Do you feel unappreciated? Do you feel disappointment? Regret? Resentment? These bitter fruits are the results of SAYING you’d like a loving relationship and then CHOOSING unloving thoughts, words and actions.
Saying one thing and doing another always leads to frustrating results.
You might be thinking that your relationship disappointments are someone else’s fault.
You might be thinking that your relationship challenges are because there’s something wrong with you.
Maybe you think you’re unlovable.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Blame and shame are always incorrect thinking that leads to our suffering.
The real reason for your relationship challenges is that your thinking is stinking!
Stinking thinking leads to unpleasant results.
If you SAY you’d like a loving relationship then remember that the ends is in the means.
Be consistently loving to have loving relationships.
Stop giving yourself permission to
whine,
complain,
attack,
judge,
be unkind
be unloving
sabotage,
manipulate
control
be moody and emotional to get what you want
When you take 100% responsibility, it opens up the possibility for everything to change.
Being very mindful of what I said and did was the first step I took toward taking responsibility. I wasn’t always clear about what I believed and what I was thinking, but I could be mindful about what I said and did.
If you choose to, you really can stop all that unloving, ego-driven, lack and limitation based behavior – which includes what you say and don’t say. Many people create suffering simply because they withhold Love. I did that all the time! When you engage in these kinds of choices and behaviors, you’re affirming that the stinking thinking is true, which it will NEVER be.
If you believe the unloving thoughts you will have unloving relationships.
Until you challenge yourself to be truly helpful, loving, compassionate, kind, patient and generous NO MATTER WHAT, you’ll be delaying your experience of heaven on earth.
Your willingness to be loving is all that’s required.
When you fall down, when you willfully choose to be unloving, have compassion and forgive yourself right away and start again as quick as you can.
This is why we call it spiritual PRACTICE. Practice reveals your perfection! You might fear that you don’t have perfection to reveal, but perfection is always there underneath the unloving behavior and choices. Go for it! You are designed to be the perfect giver and receiver of Love – why wait another day? Start right where you are! The moment is always perfect to begin again.
Click here to get my Simple Fight Fixer and start to have better relationships right now!
