Have you ever lived in a house divided? I was blessed that my parents were always united even when they went through some difficult times, as most people do. There were many times when I was the one divided from everyone else in the family, feeling like I wanted to separate myself from the family.

I remember what it was like to feel that strong sense of separation from my loved ones even while I was living with them. I felt very angry about it and I let everyone know it.

I felt angry because I felt so threatened and so overwhelmed.

When I was a teenager there were many times when I would get VERY upset. I would become like a raging inferno of ego separation and all I wanted was to be hugged, held, loved, accepted, but I didn’t know that. At the time, I felt like I wanted to burn the house down and take everyone with me down in the fire.

Why did I feel so angry? It was all about control. It was all about not getting my way. Having to be subject to other people’s will was an outrage to me even though I was a child. Being held accountable was unbearable. All of these things were ego threats.

To be honest, I can barely remember what I was thinking at that time, only that I felt this uncontrollable rage – and that it was humiliating to be so out of control. The only thing that ever really stopped it was exhaustion. I would physically exhaust myself with the intensity of my upset.

I feel I understand some of what some of the people in the USA might be feeling now. My feeling then, as it appears it is for some people now, was:

If I can’t get what I want, it’s like death. If I don’t get my way, it’s like I’m being viciously attacked. If I’m going to die, I’m taking everyone with me. That’s your punishment for not doing what I want. You don’t matter, only what I want matters. I have to take care of myself or I will be killed.

I really did feel that way.

It didn’t feel like a choice.

It felt like I was stuck inside a pattern I didn’t make and couldn’t get out of.

It was HORRIBLE for me.

It made me feel so out of control and I wanted to control everything, that was the problem. My core issue was needing to control everything and have it be my way.

Then, because I’d start judging everything around me that wasn’t to my liking as being wrong, bad, untenable, I wanted to tear it all down. It was an affront to me at every turn.

All of my judgments did what judgments always do, they increased my disconnect from Spirit, from Love, from anything that could restore my sanity.

It was a vicious cycle.

I had no idea how to get out of it.

As I got older, and had my own home, I began to feel more in control and that did help me stop having the intense arguments and meltdowns, but I would have them later with boyfriends.

It wasn’t until I realized that trying to control was one of the most basic issues I had. I had to hit a bottom where I could see so clearly that I was ruining my life and my relationships and then I could find the Love in my heart that is my strength and I could see the value in giving up that habit.

When I was trying to control everything, I wasn’t very good at receiving help because I needed to be in charge all the time. I thought I knew how to do everything best.

Now, so many years later, I’ve really learned the benefit of being vulnerable and getting the help of others. It sure wouldn’t work to be a spiritual teacher who wasn’t a good receiver. Plus, I have so many wonderful surprises and new adventures when I’m following the lead of other people! I LOVE that.

So many blessings have come to me because I stopped trying to control everything. I’ve given UP the control – given it to my Higher Holy Spirit Self and the more fully I do that, the happier I am and the easier my life is.

I’ve learned that it takes a village to raise each one of us. We ALL need a lot of Love and support to do this well.

And yet many people, many, many of us do not have that Love and support. And folks will act out so badly, because they feel so hurt and deprived. Then they are hurtful to others and then they feel completely unworthy of Love and respect.

They don’t feel worthy of even the most basic kindness.

When they don’t feel worthy of kindness, they don’t attract it, won’t receive it, and can’t receive it.

That’s when the ego identification is SO intense – and that’s where I was. I worried that I was a fundamentally evil person. I was in survival mode.

And that’s why I’ve learned ways to help people who feel SO unworthy and separate from Spirit, because this has been MY journey – and I didn’t get it from a book.

I cannot believe that anyone of us is beyond hope. If we believe that, we don’t know the power of Love and the power of prayer. I’ve seen the Power of God in Love, and in Prayers.

I know that Saul met Jesus on the road to Damascus and he had an experienced that changed him from Saul the persecutor of Christians to Paul the champion of Christianity. That can be any of us. Truly. We can be transformed in a flash of light

We must pray for the situations in our life that feel unhealable.

We must Partner UP with Spirit and put Spirit in charge and stop trying to control and evaluate how the healing goes.

We must be willing to change our minds – and to really do the work.

Walking the talk is a way of life. At first it seemed really hard to me, but I learned how much EASIER it makes every day. The problems I had in the past are gone. I haven’t felt that pain in decades.

I thought I was stuck in those patterns for the rest of my life.

Like the person who feels stuck in any difficult situation, I used to feel that it was just something I had to accept.

I’ve learned this:

• Don’t accept a future you do not want

• Don’t plan for a future you do not want

• Don’t hold in your mind the inevitability of a future you do not want

What we think about, we bring about.

All healing happens at the level of the mind.

Let us become intolerant of mind-wandering.

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TODAY: Sundays with Spirit speaker is kironJ Gardner, beloved ACIM teacher and friend. Faith Rumer is back to inspire us with her music and Angela Potts-Mang’andah is hosting. Registration is free, come and join us and tell a friend! Click here now for more info.

NEW ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: my topic is When Love Is Dangerous, Part 1 We’ve been trained not to trust Love, but to fear it. We can spend our lives looking for Love without ever finding it, unless we learn these simple lessons from A Course in Miracles. In this episode I share my experience of learning to move out of believing in lack of Love to feeling the full support of God’s Infinite Love in my life. We can live a life of great Love!

Vote with your heart!  If you’re a citizen of these great United States, I hope you’ll feel inspired to vote.  If you’re not registered, you can easily register to vote online here:  https://www.vote.org/register-to-vote/  Let your voice be heard because you’re here to represent God who sent you.  One thing to know:  Who you vote for is private, but whether you vote is public record – so if you don’t like getting phone calls, door knockers and such, once you vote they won’t be reaching out to you.  If you’re someone who sends money to support your candidate, encouraging people to vote early will save time, energy and money candidates spend trying to reach them.