Once upon a time, a friend called me up, upset about a phone message.
Someone in their family was angry with them for not wanting to go on vacation together. My friend felt attacked. Understandable.
I heard them out. They processed the feeling.
Then I asked one question.
“Why do you think they’re attacking you?”
They knew instantly.
They miss me. They’d like to have more time with me.
Here’s what was actually being said underneath all that anger: I miss you. I’d like to be with you. I wish we could spend more time together. I don’t like that you’re so far away.
The person didn’t know how to say any of that. So they yelled instead. They made my friend wrong. You should do this. You should do that.
That’s what people frequently do – respond with anger when they’re vulnerable.
Just because someone is a grown-up with children of their own doesn’t mean they can’t be as vulnerable as a three-year-old who’s crying and crying, who wants you to pick them up, to hold them, to comfort them.
Their personality feels vulnerable. The only way they know to handle that is to attack.
That’s exactly how I used to be. And afterward I’d feel deeply ashamed.
Once my friend saw the cry for love, everything shifted.
They didn’t feel triggered anymore.
They didn’t feel angry anymore.
They didn’t feel the pull to retaliate anymore.
They didn’t need to be right anymore.
They just felt kind. They appreciated the vulnerability being expressed as anger.
Attacking stopped being interesting.
This is how we dissolve shame at the root. Not by suppressing our reaction, but by seeing accurately what’s in front of us.
A Course in Miracles tells us our purpose in this world:
“I am here only to be truly helpful. I am here to represent Him Who sent me. I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.”
Isn’t that beautiful? To hear the cry for Love in someone. To open our heart and answer that cry with Love instead of anger and blame.
They become our salvation and we become theirs.
That’s the perfection life is offering us all the time.
If you’d like to have more Love than fear in your life and relationships, consider my Finding Freedom From Fear Bootcamp which starts next month. It’s 90 days of moving out of coping and into real trust, faith and listening to the higher wisdom, together.
TODAY SATURDAY, August 8 we’re going deeper together in my Deep Dive Workshop, Why Am I So Hard On Myself? If self-attack and criticism is your struggle, come join me. This is a habit that can be dissolved. Two and a half hours. We’ll do the heavy lifting together. YES, I’M GIVING MYSELF THIS GIFT Learn more now
My next FREE Forgiveness Workshops is Saturday August 29. Come as you are, however you can. You don’t have to feel ready. You don’t have to have done any prep work. Your willingness is all that’s required. Click for more info: powerofloveministry.net/
