When I was a teenager, in my twenties and beyond, I would sometimes say and do things that I’d later regret and wish to bury forever. I’ve had all kinds of experiences that led me to be self-disgusted and even afraid of my own emotions and outbursts.
I’ve had times when I got really drunk and couldn’t remember half of what I said, and what I did – although I’m 100% certain I never I never was molested or attacked someone myself while under the influence.
I used to have memories of things that would make me cringe. Self-forgiveness freed me from all of them.
Self-forgiveness gave me humility and common sense.
Self-forgiveness gave me the freedom to no longer beat myself up from the past.
Most people I know have strong regrets, some people are tortured by them and I pray they find self-forgiveness.
My life of mistakes, short comings, obnoxious and belligerent behavior and outbursts, and a million missed opportunities to extend Love has taught me to take responsibility for my choices and actions. To learn from them and share what I learn.
No blame.
No shame.
As Thich Nhat Hath says, blaming never helps.
Everyone I know makes errors.
Life is a constant stream of tactical errors, missteps, freakouts, meltdowns and mayhem, and yet, we can rise above the battleground with self-forgiveness. We can remember to laugh. We can remember to have compassion. We can set ourselves free with admitting the truth, and having the humility to take responsibility for our choices and their effects.
One thing that helps me is the last paragraph at the end of Chapter V, the text of A Course in Miracles – this one paragraph is a complete life-changer:
“Decision cannot be difficult. This is obvious, if you realize that you must already have decided not to be wholly joyous if that is how you feel. Therefore, the first step in the undoing is to recognize that you actively decided wrongly, but can as actively decide otherwise. Be very firm with yourself in this, and keep yourself fully aware that the undoing process, which does not come from you, is nevertheless within you because God placed it there. Your part is merely to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made, and give it over to the Atonement in peace. Say this to yourself as sincerely as you can, remembering that the Holy Spirit will respond fully to your slightest invitation: I must have decided wrongly, because I am not at peace. I made the decision myself, but I can also decide otherwise. I want to decide otherwise, because I want to be at peace. I do not feel guilty, because the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of my wrong decision if I will let Him. I choose to let Him, by allowing Him to decide for God for me.” T-5.VII.6.
Let’s give all the consequences to the Holy Spirit for healing and move the heck on in gratitude for the gift of God’s unerring grace! Are you willing?
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