Someone shared how they felt ashamed for still wanting their mother’s approval.

I said, “There’s no shame in that. But using others to heal past wounds? That’s a game we can’t win.”

The Codependency Trap

We meet someone and think: “Finally! Someone who will:

• Love me like my parents didn’t
• See my worth like my ex couldn’t
• Understand me like no one else has”

But we’re not falling in love with THEM. We’re falling in love with our PROJECTION of who we need them to be, and who we think they could be.

They sense it. They feel the pressure to heal wounds they don’t have the power to heal. And when they inevitably fail (because we have to heal our own hearts), we feel betrayed.

The Vicious Cycle

Special relationships keep us trapped because:

• We attract people who mirror our unhealed wounds
• We try to get them to fix what happened before
• They can’t (because it’s an inside job)
• We feel hurt and abandoned AGAIN
• Cycle repeats with the next person

I did this for YEARS. Same drama, different actors.

The Real Healing

Here’s the breakthrough:
You can’t heal the past by manipulating the present.
But you CAN heal your false decisions about the past.
And then the pain fades and is forgotten, making Real Love possible!  Yay!

When we decided “I’m unlovable” because of what happened, we were wrong. Not bad—just mistaken. And mistakes can be corrected.

Breaking the Pattern

We can stop looking for someone to rewrite our history. Instead we can:

• Recognize when we’re projecting the past
• Ask: “What am I trying to get them to prove about my worth?”
• Give ourselves what we’re seeking from them
• Let them be who they are, not who we need them to be

In my Stop Wrecking Your Relationships Deep Dive Workshop tomorrow, we’ll identify some of these patterns and learn to heal the SOURCE—not keep trying to fix the symptoms through others.

Seek not to change your partner, but to change your mind about your partner.

Your partner can’t make your mother finally see you.
They can’t make your ex realize what they lost.
They can only love you NOW, in this moment.

And Love, right now, in this moment, is a truly splendid thing.  It’s everything.

When we stop asking the folks in our lives to heal us and make up for the past, then we can realize that present-moment love is exactly what we’ve been searching for all along.

If you’d like an opportunity to focus on healing the patterns that produce the relationship challenges in your life- consider joining me TOMORROW, Saturday, October 11 for my  Stop Wrecking Your Relationships Deep Dive Workshop—turning every trigger into a doorway to freedom.

If you’re ready to transform your perception, from judgment to blessing, consider joining my Quantum Counseling Training Intensive. This profound 8-day program, beginning October 31st, will guide you through the same transformation I experienced – and teach you how to facilitate it for others. You’ll learn to see the world through Love’s eyes and become a beacon of hope for those still trapped in judgment. Through experiential exercises and heart-centered techniques, you’ll develop the skills to help others find peace in a chaotic world. Our certified Spiritual Counselors are available for FREE Exploratory Calls to help you determine if my Quantum Counseling Training Intensive aligns with your spiritual path. Your heart knows the answer.

NEW ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: my topic is Your Brothers Are Part of You—Will You Accept Them?. In this episode, I dive into ACIM teachings on oneness from Chapter 9, Section 6 on “The Acceptance of Your Brother”—and how this realization transforms the way we approach our relationships, especially helpful to us during the upcoming holiday season. I share my personal journey from difficult family gatherings to peaceful celebrations by learning this profound truth: your brothers and sisters are part of you, and rejecting them means rejecting yourself. I open up about my 25 years as a spiritual counselor and how seeing perfection in my clients taught me to see it in myself, and I guide you through the practice of extending love even when it’s hard—especially with the relatives who trigger you most. I also share my perspective that humanity is experiencing a collective “extinction burst” where all our separation thinking is surfacing intensely before we break through to collective awakening, and I invite you to join me in choosing to see the Christ in everyone as we prepare for the holidays ahead.