For years, I lived in a self-made prison. The bars? My desperate need to be right about having been wronged.
I was constantly proving others guilty so I could claim my innocence. Building cases for why people should be punished. Making them feel guilty and ashamed. And doing the same thing to myself—which manifested in drinking too much, staying up too late, punishing my body to affirm “I’m a sinner, guilty and shameful.”
A Course in Miracles showed me the trap I was in: “Thus would you make yourself to be the sign that he has lost his innocence and need but look on you to realize that he has been condemned.”
The Sacrifice Game
Here’s what really hit me: Parents who sacrifice for their children, then punish them with that awareness. “After all I did for you…”
Partners who suffer in silence, cataloging every hurt as evidence for future prosecution.
I realized something crucial—when I chose to do things for others, it gave me satisfaction and joy in the moment. Why do it if it doesn’t feel good, unless you’re a masochist? And if someone makes choices that cause their suffering, is anybody else to blame?
I had been playing this game of inviting people to mistreat me. Not consciously, but energetically. I expected mistreatment, and when it didn’t come, I’d interpret neutral actions as attacks.
Because I NEEDED to be the victim to feel righteous.
The Day I Chose Differently
One day, standing in my own way yet again, convinced I was blocked by something I couldn’t identify, I had to face the truth. I wasn’t blocked by some mysterious force. I was blocking myself with these vengeful patterns.
The Course says, “Walk you the gentle way, and you will fear no evil and no shadows in the night. But place no terror symbols on your path, or you will weave a crown of thorns from which your brother and yourself will not escape.”
I was weaving that crown of thorns daily. Placing terror symbols everywhere. Creating my own crucifixion and inviting others to participate.
The Power That Transforms
Martin Luther King Jr. said, “If you love your enemies, you will discover at the very root of love is the power of redemption.” Not doormat love. Not making yourself available for mistreatment. But holding people with love in your heart.
When President Lincoln chose his worst critic, Stanton, as Secretary of War, he demonstrated this power. Through love, Lincoln transformed and redeemed Stanton. By the end, Stanton gave the most beautiful tribute to Lincoln’s character.
There’s a power in love that our world hasn’t discovered yet. Most believe in hitting for hitting, an eye for an eye. But Jesus showed us another way.
Your Choice Point
Right now, in this moment, you stand at a choice point. Continue the exhausting game of victim and perpetrator? Or lay down your need to be right?
Every challenge that occurs has a gift in it. But if you’re thinking “this is not good for me,” you’re denying the gift exists.
In my Free Forgiveness Workshops, we practice releasing these patterns to the root cause. In my Masterful Living Program, we go even deeper, learning to live from that place of redemption daily.
Here’s what I know: When we stop wishing to be victims, when we stop using our suffering to punish others, when we stop needing to be right about being wronged—that’s when we discover our true power.
The opportunity is always there. It never leaves us. No matter how long you’ve been playing this game, the moment you decide you’ve had enough, healing begins.
The power of love is within us, ready to transform everything. Our willingness is all that’s required.
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LATEST ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: In this episode, God Doesn’t Punish You (You Do),I reveal how the belief that God punishes us is completely false—it’s our own projection of guilt and shame that creates all punishment in our lives. I share my decades-long pattern of using alcohol, food, and other self-destructive behaviors to keep myself feeling guilty and reinforce the belief that I was fundamentally bad and sinful, a pattern I finally recognized came from centuries of religious teaching about being unworthy sinners. Through A Course in Miracles teachings from Chapter 3 and Lesson 189, I explain the “law of seeing”—that we perceive outside what we feel inside, so when we feel God’s love within us, we see a loving world, but when we feel self-hatred, we see only fear. As we complete this 9-year cycle, I’m inviting everyone to join me in releasing these ancient patterns of guilt and self-punishment before we begin fresh in 2026.
