I’m preparing for my Self-Love workshop online Sunday, and so I’m very present to this topic. Here’s a question that came up: If we don’t love ourselves, will we allow good into our life? Will we allow Life, people, anything or anyone to really Love us?
Will we let Love in if we don’t love ourselves and we don’t feel worthy?
I’ve seen it in my past. Men who really wanted just to love me, I couldn’t let them in.
In fact, I was living in a classic Catch-22. And here’s how it played out for me:
I felt defensive and attacking a lot of the time. Because like attracts like, and I was focused on complaining and judging so much of the time, I attracted all kinds of situations that gave me a reason to be upset and to take offense. It was like being on a hamster wheel of upset, and it never seemed to end.
And that IS how life works. It’s not hidden. It’s not complicated. And yet, I didn’t want to see it and I felt powerless to stop it.
That is, I felt powerless UNTIL I turned it over to Spirit.
Of course I felt powerless when I believed I was on my own and had to figure everything out myself. Of course I did!
It’s exhausting and we either just keep pushing and pushing and trying to make things work – what I call “pushing density.” OR we give up, we declare ourselves a failure.
If we’re in a more loving place, we’ll be open to inspiration and we’ll be guided to give it UP to Spirit rather than giving up on life. When we give up on life, what’s really happening is we’re giving up on the ego’s ability to figure it out – which isn’t such a terrible thing. Sometimes that’s what’s happening when we bottom out.
When we hit rock bottom we’re often in a bit of a shock. It’s as if we get the wind knocked out of us and that can actually wake us up to the fact that we’re trying to work our will, the small selfish self, ego-driven will, versus following the one TRUE will which is the Will of God.
A Course in Miracles tells us that there’s no separate will. Because we’re part of God, inseparable, our will is the Will of God. There’s only the illusion of a separate or “free” will. And to me, that’s a big relief.
I am SO VERY glad that I stopped trying to work that small selfish self will and surrendered. Again, not giving up, but giving it UP to that Higher Holy Spirit Self and to simply be willing to listen for, and wait for guidance, and then move.
I can see now that all of that “trying to work my will” stuff was not just self-sabotage, it was completely unloving to myself. Believe me, I had WAY MORE than enough experience to know A LONG TIME AGO that trying to make things be the way I wanted them to be – make it happen! – was a painful road of failure and defeat more often than not. And even the victories I had didn’t really feel all that fulfilling.
Out of a strong intention and a high aspiration to LOVE MYSELF – to love my Higher Holy Spirit Self – my true identity – I made that my one goal and everything started to get better in my life.
It took a while, but eventually I was able to really focus on just being loving all the time with everyone, including myself, to the best of my ability. Things have improved beyond my wildest imaginings!
I used to be upset so much of the time because I didn’t like the way the world was treating me. I was offended A LOT. And that’s an awful feeling, but I got so used to it, I lost perspective. I didn’t like be angry so often, but I didn’t know a better way existed.
All that upset, allowing, fomenting it, that was lack of self-Love. In many cases it was outright self-hatred.
Now, people rarely treat me poorly, and when they do, I recognize it as a cry for Love and I get to be truly helpful.
I don’t like being upset, so I don’t tolerate it in myself. I don’t deny my feelings, but I don’t feed the fire of upset.
I make most decisions about my life from my heart, and what feels most loving. I decide to do the dishes at the time of day that feels most loving. I decide when to eat and when to work and when to rest based on what feels most loving. I decide what to say and when to say it based on what feels most loving.
Everything in my life – and I do mean everything – has changed because I decided to focus on being loving with myself.
Love is the healer – it’s not “out there.”
It’s an inside job.
It’s not hard – living in an internal battle is hard.
There’s a way to living a life from Love.
We’re designed to live it.
It’s natural for us, and everything unnatural can be unlearned.
But only if we put Spirit in charge.
I have two events this month to support you in breaking free of the patterns of self-attack and self-sabotage. There’s my Self-Love Workshop and then there’s the End My Self-Sabotage Challenge. Both of these are favorites that people have found very helpful and so I’m offering them again. Details are below!
