Years ago, I did something radical: I put all my relationships on the altar. Every single one. I said, “I’d like only holy relationships. Anyone who’s not up for that, I’m okay with that. There’s nothing wrong with them – we just have different kinds of friendship in mind.”
Some relationships naturally fell away. People I used to have dinner with once a month stopped calling. Someone who used to take me out once a year to stay connected (in case they needed my help with something) stopped reaching out when I made it clear I was no longer available for that kind of arrangement. And you know what? It was fine. I was happy to see them, happy not to see them. Either way, it was good.
This isn’t about being cold or unloving. It’s about being honest about what we’re actually doing in our relationships. Are we showing up because we genuinely want to? Or are we showing up because we’re hoping to get something – approval, validation, help, reciprocation?
A Course in Miracles teaches us that there are no private thoughts. We share the same mind with everyone. So when we’re silently resenting someone while pretending to be there for them, they feel it. When we’re giving to get, everyone involved knows it on some level, even if we’re not conscious of it.
Here’s what helped me to see it correctly: I started checking in with my heart before committing to anything. Do I genuinely want to do this? Do I need anything back from this person? Can I show up with zero expectations and zero resentment?
The relationships that continued after I put them on the altar became so much richer.
Without the hidden agendas, without the scorekeeping, without the subtle manipulation, there was room for real love to flow. The friendships that remained were based on genuine connection, not on what we could get from each other.
And here’s the beautiful thing: when you’re willing to release your grip on relationships, the holy ones not only stay – they deepen. They become spaces of true healing, true support, true love. No strings attached. No conditions. Just the pure extension of love because that’s who we really are.
Friday & Sunday – FREE Forgiveness Workshops Friday, February, February 6 and Sunday, February 8 – register now to join me at one or both. Forgiveness offers everything we want! Click to register now.
NEW ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: All Hatred is Self-Hatred What if the thing you’re most afraid of isn’t pain, loss, or suffering?
In this episode, I turn to one of the most startling passages in A Course in Miracles – Chapter 13: The Fear of Redemption – and what I found there is not what I expected. With so much hatred, division, and disinformation swirling in the world right now, I share a raw and honest post I wrote about my own experience with rage – and the connection I’ve discovered between self-hatred and everything we see playing out around us.
I explore a line from the ACIM Text explaining that we’re not actually afraid of what we think we’re afraid of. Something much deeper – and much more beautiful – is what we’re really running from.
I also share the single moment in my mid-twenties that changed everything for me – one sentence I heard myself say to myself.
If you’ve been feeling the weight of the world, come join me. There’s a way through – and it might surprise you.
