For years, I was an expert at what I now call “subtle attack” – and I had no idea I was doing it.

I thought I was being helpful when I’d say things like, “Oh, I really liked that meal you made yesterday better than this one.” I thought I was being discerning when I’d look at someone struggling and think, “How pathetic.” I thought I was being wise when I’d constantly compare myself to others and find myself (or them) lacking.

But here’s what A Course in Miracles taught me: all attack is self-attack. Every time I judged someone else, I felt judged. Every time I criticized another person, I felt more vulnerable and separate, alone, different, difficult.

The attacker always feels attacked, the judger always feels judged, and the lover always feels beloved.

The most devastating part? I was doing this to myself constantly.

My internal dialogue was relentless:
“I should have done this better.
Why didn’t I accomplish more today?
I’m not enough, I’m not doing enough, I need to do more.”

It was exhausting, and I thought it was motivating me. Instead, it was tearing me down.

I used to ask myself: “Would I say this to a child I loved?” And the answer was almost always no. I would never speak to a beloved child the way I was speaking to myself in my own mind.

The breakthrough came when I realized that what I thought was protecting me – all that fault-finding and criticism – was actually the source of my pain.

I thought that if I could spot all the problems, all the shortcomings, all the ways things could be better, and I could be improved, I’d somehow be safe from disappointment. But all that fault-finding was the cause of my suffering.

It wasn’t the world. It was my thoughts about myself.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that our grandeur is of God – it’s not something we made up or have to earn. When we remember our true magnificence, we can only bless others because our grandeur is our abundance. But when we forget who we are, we resort to these subtle attacks to try to feel better about ourselves.

We put others down in order to lift ourselves up, but, of course, it has the opposite effect.

The antidote is blessing. Instead of looking for what’s wrong, I practice blessing everyone I see.

When I drove around Los Angeles, I’d bless the people walking on the street, in other cars, at bus stops. By blessing others, I hold my own magnificence in mind and protect myself from illusions.

Today, notice where you might be engaging in subtle attack – the casual criticism, the constant comparison, the relentless self-improvement demands. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to a child I loved?”

Our magnificence is intact. It always has been. It’s the perfect time to start treating ourselves and others like the divine beings we truly are.

What will you choose to bless today instead of attack?

It’s not too late! – Are you willing to stop playing small? I’m offering an online retreat that started yesterday, but you can still join. It’s one of the most effective and successful things I’ve done. People repeat it 3 and 4 times because they get so much out of it. If you feel like you might be playing small in some area of your life – this could be your breakthrough! Plan for your success and we’ll do it together – click here to learn more about the  Stop Playing Small Online Retreat in September. If you’re thinking of taking this, you can combine it with Finding Freedom From Fear – which is on Early Bird Special, and you get an EXTRA DISCOUNT if you register for both right now!

NEW ACIM PODCAST EPISODE: my topic is You’re Not Evil – You’re Just Playing Small (And Here’s How to Stop) In this episode, I shared how I used to feel fundamentally limited and evil, believing there was some immovable block preventing my spiritual growth, when the truth was I was simply playing small and denying my divine inheritance. Working with A Course in Miracles Lesson 166 (“I am entrusted with the gifts of God”), I discovered that God’s trust in us is limitless even when our trust in God is minimal, and that we must unite our will with God’s will to receive and recognize the pre-installed gifts that are already ours. I emphasized that we’re not victims but dreamers of the dream, and that taking responsibility for our creative power – rather than hiding from it – transforms us from tragic wanderers into servants in our Father’s house who hold the high watch for all humanity.