Relationship hell? I’ve been there. I’ve explored it in many ways, traversing the downs and WAY downs of it. As a child, a teen ager and until about age 30, I would get so angry that I felt what I describe as a murderous rage.

I’d become so upset, so threatened, and so afraid of being hurt that all I could feel was fury and desperation. My upset was like a hurricane, searching for some way to calm down, but only picking up speed and becoming more and more dangerous. I would frighten myself I’d be so upset.

I’d become so loud, and mean and desperate, without any self-control, that I’d rage until I was too tired to continue. Reaching exhaustion was the only thing that would get me to stop. My family’s or boyfriend’s attempts to control me would only make me infuriated. It was awful.

Once exhausted, I would collapse into a puddle of my own despair. I’d be consumed by self-hatred and fear of myself. It was all proof that something was horribly, uncontrollably wrong with me. I was beyond hope, or so I was convinced.

I learned to accept that this was just who I was, what I was. I felt like a bad seed. I felt like there was some kind of demon in me and that terrified me. That fear was so intense that I couldn’t handle any kind of criticism or teasing. I learned to be very focused on self-preservation.

What I can understand now, that I didn’t understand then, is that it was extremely important that I learn how to have no other authority. I needed to be my own authority. No one could boss me around or intimidate me. When I was younger, it meant that I was always in a fight with the people I was “rebelling” against.

Now, I can see that I wasn’t really a rebel at all. I was maintaining my sovereignty. When I finally reached the point where I could make Spirit the TRUE authority in my life and really listen to that still small voice, I had the ability to walk in the world without being pulled this way and that by other people’s opinions. My mind was able to be strong and focused, following Spirit’s guidance.

Historically, if you look at many of the mystics, you can see that they appeared to be rebels too. That wasn’t their intention. It just looked that way.

Unfortunately, I went through many seasons of relationship hell where I felt completely unlovable. I felt excruciatingly bad and wrong so much of the time – but that didn’t stop me from acting out. I was frequently mean and cruel in defense of my insecurities. Now, I have a great compassion for people who behave that way and I can really help them to break out of it.

I learned to try to control everything around me, constantly monitoring, to keep from being manipulated and controlled by others. I learned to always be on the offense as my best form of defense. It was exhausting.

I was constantly cleaning up the messes I made in my relationships or just walking away from them. Many bridges have been burned and many have been blown up.
I don’t ever wish to go back again in my past. I don’t look back anymore. Instead, I continuously ask the Higher Holy Spirit Self to help me harvest all the wisdom from my experiences.

What I learned is that I was constantly repeating my same upsets and errors because I was holding grudges. Holding grievances prevented me from learning from my experiences because I always thought I knew what everything was for.

When I learned to forgive, to give up my meaning for everything, then I could discover what things were really for, and harvest the wisdom they brought me. Eureka! It was a way out of hell!

The most amazing thing I’ve ever learned is that true forgiveness heals deeply. True forgiveness heals long held mental and emotional patterns in a miraculous way.

A Course in Miracles promises us that the Holy Spirit will undo all the consequences of our wrong decisions if we allow it. The thing is, most people feel so guilty, and believe that they should be punished, and so they won’t allow the consequences to be undone. Yet, no matter how long we’ve lived in that mindset, we can shift in an instant. We can get out of hell.

I’m so glad I figured out how to ALLOW all the consequences to be undone and to rescue my relationships. I know this is a repetitive theme of mine, but I feel I absolutely have to keep sharing what is so precious to me – and that’s the realization that when we hold the highest and best for our relationships that’s exactly what comes to pass.

I’ve been a spiritual counselor since 2000. That’s more than 24 years of counseling individuals and couples. I’ve been teaching classes and leading retreats for 27 years. In all this time, with all of these people, almost everyone I’ve ever worked with was experiencing some kind of relationship upset that was rocking them to their core.

ACIM tells us that relationships are the #1 tool we have to heal our mind and wake up. Let’s do exactly that starting NOW.

Like me, many people have been so completely brought to their knees or flat on their face in the manure by their inability to maintain relationship harmony – and the meaning they make of it. This need not be.
Forgiveness is a miracle tool. It’s not magic. It’s miraculously healing, and that’s an entirely different thing from a temporary magic fix.

Miraculous healing lasts.

It’s permanent healing, because it’s at the level of the mind – not the level of the personality.

This isn’t behavior modification or anger management – it’s true and lasting healing.
This isn’t self-improvement, because we don’t need improvement – we only need to let go of that which is false.

Hey, I still get annoyed on a regular basis.

I don’t get angry like I used to AT ALL anymore.

I don’t ever go to the place of thinking that there’s something wrong with me.

That’s completely over.

And that’s what I’m holding for everyone.

As a counselor, I’ve worked with people who’ve felt way beyond any kind of hope, and they have been transformed by the healing of their mind.

They had to be willing.

They had to ALLOW the healing to take place, to call it forth, accept it and receive it. It’s not magic. It takes real willingness. It’s not a passive thing. It’s active willingness.

We cannot hold onto complaints and expect miracles.

We cannot hold onto grievances and also energize the highest and best at the same time.

We have to choose which way to go.

We can learn through pain or we can learn through miracles and Joy.

We’re heading into the next season, and towards the end of this calendar year. The holidays will be coming soon.

It’s a time when we can either re-energize the old hurts, disappointments, regrets, guilt, blame and shame – or we can decide to be a healing presence in our relationships.

We can repeat the past or we can call forth a renewal and restoration.

It’s our choice.

I’ve been teaching forgiveness for almost 25 years and it’s been a great learning to me. I continue to be AMAZED at how forgiveness transforms EVERYTHING, including our physical pains.

I don’t consider myself a healer, but I do feel that I’m able to be a healing presence. Where I once was utterly convinced that I was a really bad person, I now know that there are no bad people. We’re all good and beautiful people who can sometimes get convinced that we’re bad and then act that way.

When someone feels unlovable they don’t have much to lose, but what little they do have they can’t afford to lose. They will defend themselves through attacking. Think of a wounded dog that’s been so hurt it doesn’t trust anyone.

When we can’t trust ourselves to be loving or kind, even when it’s really important to keep from ruining our relationships, then we can feel completely unworthy of Love. We’re not, but that’s how we feel.

Forgiveness is the only thing I know of that heals back to the root cause of things. When we ALLOW the healing back to the root cause, whatever that might be, in this life or any other, then we’re free forever! That recalibrates our whole life.

Now is the time to make a commitment to forgive EVERYTHING and let our ability to fully give and receive Love be restored to us.

No matter what we’ve done, no matter what has been done to us, we can be restored at the level of the mind. From the mind, it will ripple into all of our relationships and experiences, even into every cell, fiber and function of our physical, and emotional bodies as well.

Let’s get active with the forgiveness.

Let’s become experts at it.

Let’s deeply commit to truly heal by allowing the Holy Spirit to undo all the consequences of our wrong decisions – even the ones we don’t recall. The Holy Spirit can heal it all.

In my classes, I invite people to PROVE that God works. That way they KNOW, they really know.

Doing this work now, we can have completely different experiences this holiday season. Let’s get out in front of this.

We don’t have to carry the past into the new year. We can put our attention on the things that cultivate joyful, happy learning and living.

In ACIM, Jesus tells us forgiveness is the #1 tool for our awakening, for healing, for liberation. Let’s believe him. We can prove that forgiveness is liberating and then we’re modeling it for everyone.

I’m choosing liberation. How about you?

If you’re feeling stuck, trapped, depressed, or just sad, forgiveness is the way to Freedom.  That’s why we offer free forgiveness workshops a couple of times each month.  The next one is September 7.  If you take the steps I suggest, you will experience more Freedom.

TODAY:  Join me at Sundays With Spirit and we’ll rise together!

My Finding Freedom From Fear spiritual boot camp isn’t for everyone – it’s for those who are willing to dive in and do the work to free their mind – and have fun doing it! Click here now to learn more.

We are the ones who can set ourselves free.  Freedom is in the mind.  It’s a choice we make.  It’s the gift we share!

If you’d like support in finding freedom in your heart and mind, in letting go of ALL guilt, shame, blame, regret, resentment, jealousy and anything else you’ve been hanging onto, please consider taking my Finding Freedom From Fear spiritual bootcamp and joining with other like-minded souls who are doing the same work. I find that when we do the work together we get there faster and we laugh a lot more. It’s so much easier when we peel the layers of painful patterns together. Easier, faster, more Love, more Light, more fun, that’s the way for me! You’re invited!

Let’s make a quantum leap together.  

If you’d like my help developing a spiritual practice of Self-care that clears out the old patterns of past beliefs in order to move out of the unconscious guilt and punishing yourself, blaming others, living like a victim or a martyr, feeling guilty and ashamed, and into feeling more connected with Spirit, please check out my Finding Freedom From Fear Spiritual Bootcamp class– it’s designed to be a rocket booster for your spiritual journey.Starts September 9. Follow your intuition – only you know if this is right for you right now.

If you feel you’ve been holding yourself back and letting fear decide, this might be your answered prayer! If it’s right for you, you’ll know.  Trust your intuition!

Not sure if one of my programs is right for you? You’re invited to schedule a free Exploratory Call with one of our certified spiritual counselors to get your questions answered and see if this program can bring you the results YOU would like!