Lately, I’ve heard so many people talking about the habit of withholding love, withholding kindness, withholding recognition and appreciation from people.

We do it in order to punish them. In order to let them know, “I do not approve.”

Instead of just saying, “Could we do it this way instead? Could I request this of you?” we punish.  We feel so threatened by a disagreement sometimes that we need to punish the other person for not agreeing with us.

The Ego’s Firm Belief in Punishment

The ego has such a firm belief in punishment that it can prevent so many holy encounters. And here’s what A Course in Miracles makes crystal clear: “Give him his place in the kingdom and you will have yours.”

Not complicated. Not cryptic. So clear.
Deny anyone and you deny yourself.
To have, give all to all.

When we hold anything against anyone, we’re keeping ourselves out of the kingdom.
Everybody goes, or we can’t go.

Those Intentionally Irksome People

I’m sure even the Dalai Lama’s got some folks that get on his last nerve, maybe. We’ve all got people in our lives who have ways of acting that we find irritating. It’s part of life.

Some people are intentionally irksome and annoying. They have such a low opinion of themselves that they’ll do their darndest to convince us to agree with them.

“It’s true, you’re worthless.” “It’s true, you’re not lovable.” “It’s true, you’re too hard to love.”

I’ve met lots of folks like that. And I’ve also been that person, pushing people away because I was afraid they’d get too close and see how unlovable I was.

Our Salvation Lies in Loving Them

Here’s what those folks taught me: Our salvation does lie in loving them, accepting them, joining with them, holding them in the light, seeing their Christ light as a reflection of our own.

“Never forget your responsibility to him because it is your responsibility to yourself.”

When we withhold love to punish, nobody’s going to get what they’d like.

But when we give them their place in the kingdom, we receive ours.

In my Masterful Living Program, we practice releasing this need to punish through withholding.

Because punishing and withholding isn’t going to get us what we’d really like – Love without conditions.

We learn to choose the holy encounter instead and to choose to see the Christ in them, even when—especially when—they can’t see it in themselves.  That’s how we’re truly helpful.  And it’s how they become our salvation.  We have to go together or we can’t go at all.

If you’re still upset about your relationship with your mother or daughter, you haven’t fully forgiven—and that’s not your fault. Saturday, November 15th at 3 PM Eastern, join me for a powerful 2.5-hour Deep Dive Workshop  Healing Mother Daughter Wounds, a Deep Dive Workshop. Whether your mother or daughter is living or gone, speaking to you or estranged, these tools work because all minds are joined. Your healing becomes her healing. Bring your willingness, and I’ll bring the tools that transform decades of pain into peace. Register now—your breakthrough is waiting.

Masterful Living Program 2026 – Registration is open!
The sooner you register the more bonuses you get!  Click here now to learn more.